Minimum Connecting Time Time it takes an Olympic Gold Medal sprinter to run between two gates, 61. 42. Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 bomber that had one engine shut down. But I had the last laugh. What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? You might be in the Coast Guard if your idea of aromatherapy is Simple Green and JP5. Reliable sources report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds. 40. S | Engine found on right wing after brief search. Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base, in Germany, with my eight siblings and me, all under age 11. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. On-time Departure Cabin doors closed 15 minutes before scheduled departure time Subsequent delays are irrelevant. What do you call a group of kids who enlists in the military? From the pilot during his welcome message: We are pleased to announce that we have some of the best Flight Attendants in the aviation industry. 4th of July 2022: Celebrating the Birth of Our Nation & Its Heroes, Military Appreciation Month 2022: Saluting Those Who Serve, Veterans Day 2022: Celebrating Those Whove Served. So he recruited 4 of the best he could find. After working his magic, the barber exclaimed, There you go, Yank. !" Marine: "Wait, stop. In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. You know you cant outrun a bear, right?, The soldier said, The way I see it, I just have to outrun you.. A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his approach speed just a little too high. When I told him I had no clue how to make soup, he handed me a cookbook and instructed, Follow the directions carefully. ", Warren always replied, "I know Joy, but that helicopter ride is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", One year Warren and Joy went to the Show, and Joy said, "Warren, I'm 85 years old. 8.3.4 Modern aviation history. Decodes 7. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside! Put your hand up if youre the laziest., 24 men raised their hands, so the senior chief turns to the last man and says, Why didnt you raise your hand, sailor?, The sailor replies, It was too much trouble, senior chief.. He pulled out a pair of running shoes and started putting them on. 130 Best Aviation Humor ideas | aviation humor, humor, aviation - Pinterest Want more amazing military jokes? One day, the pilot of a single-engine Cherokee was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a DC-8 landed. 50. Are you sure you followed the recipe?. The next day, I received a letter addressed to Sgt. He looked over at the Soldier and said when are we going to stop playing these games, spitting in each others boots and pissing in each others drinks, its so juvenile!. Some of the jokes on this list you may not fully understand or appreciate unless you were actually in the military, but most of them I think anyone can appreciate. USA: Choppers Dear Veterans, You rock more than AC/DC or Metallica or Red Hot Chili Peppers. Airmens mess, sir.. Altitude is life insurance. You do know that he could get ill from the bacteria on the toilet. A joke told repeatedly at aviation industry conferences puts a man and a dog in an airplane. MARCH! 9. He told them "you must find your own way to this beach head for 0600 tomorrow morning, there you will be tested like never before". Military Aviation Archives - The Aviationist Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Problem: "Smoke in cabin." Solution: "Aircrew reminded fleet is no-smoking these days." Problem: "Bad smell in cockpit (B-747)." Solution: "Advice crew to wash every day." Problem: "Missile slow to leave rail." Solution: "Use a real missile. Did you hear about the big accident on base? One night, he returned to the dorm in his perfectly pressed uniform, his newly acquired name tag in his hand. Grandpapa Johns Pizza. (Hang up. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. Sure, its hilarious to poke fun at rival branches sometimes. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. I lifted up my rifle and gave it one last try: George!! 4. Germany, like other NATO members, is protected by . 46. Our pilots FLY much better than they DRIVE so please remain seated until the captain finishes taxiing and brings the aircraft to a complete stop at the terminal, 13. One of the reasons the Air Force, Army, Navy, and Marines bicker so much is because they dont speak the same language. "As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position", 18. One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a paring knife, I could peel these potatoes faster. The cook turned slowly to my father and said, Son, youre in the Army. The tenant shook her head. [Answered]. 32. The irate sergeant scrambled back up amid guffaws and barked, Those who laughed, get down and give me 20! A.J. Me: No. Now, lets try it again! USN: Helos What Do You Call a Soldier Who Survived Mustard Gas and Pepper Spray? I heard this one from my basic training company commander. The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow. Remember them the next time youre talking to a friend or family member that has served as a Marine because these jokes are bound to make them smile. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. 130 Best Aviation Humor ideas | aviation humor, humor, aviation Aviation Humor 129 Pins 1y S Collection by STS Aviation Group Share Similar ideas popular now Humor Funny Military Humor Aviation Fuel Aviation Humor Aviation Technology Airbus Boeing Airline Humor Airline Reservations People Fly Flight Attendant Life LinkedIn Aviation Quotes This website is not affiliated with the United States Marine Corps, and the information on this website does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Marine Corps as a whole. Good RAF Army Banter/Jokes - PPRuNe Forums Evidently, one of my classmates found the talk less than stimulating and fell asleep. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. He replied, When they stopped shooting at me.. (Sign over the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan). But other times, we also want some good clean humor with no chance of ruffling feathers. He thought he would be home about 13:30. It took the poor guy all day. Takeoffs are optional. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you. A military aircraft had gear problems on landing, and as the plane was skidding down the tarmac the tower controller asked if they needed assistance. Me: No, I dont. What do you call a second lieutenant surrounded by PFCs? Well, I, too, am a SEASONED Veteran! SUB sandwiches! Killed bin Laden. The military refers to a collection of all the armed forces of a particular country.. Hotel/Car Rental Shuttle Bus Vehicle subject to paranormal effects. A Military lab has developed a pizza that boasts a shelf life of three years without being frozen, and now the Week has asked its readers to name this durable dish. S | Auto land not installed on this aircraft. 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2023 Edition) - Marine Approved Basically, if you click on a product link on this site and buy that product we get a small commission at no extra cost to you. Trust us; we have plenty of those, too. On-time Arrival Obscure term meaning unknown, 63. The Best Short Military Jokes 1. Problems reported by Pilots and Solutions noted by Aircraft Engineers in aircraft Technical Logs. 34. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. The two lads objected strongly. The Best Military Jokes: Jokes for Every Branch - Reader's Digest Either way, it is a simple gesture that will be sure to get a grin. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. I was the cook.. However, even with full power, the little plane could not handle the load and went down a few moments after take-off. You had tents?, A drill sergeant yells at his young trainee, I didnt see you at camouflage training this morning, private!, The private replies, Well, thank you very much, sir., A general gets stuck in his Jeep on the side of the road. Individual use is by implied consent. Military Aviation - Technology: Where it Started and Where it's Going 41. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. military aviation humour - Pilotfriend Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. How tough? One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. Heres what they came up with: The Pentagon announced that its fight against ISIS will be called Operation Inherent Resolve. One day, I was told to report to my commanding officer, who ordered me to escort Ms. Raye. His reply was quick and to the point: You didnt.. In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. In large gold letters was printed: TRASH. Guys, do you know some jokes related to military aviation? A soldier and a marine were walking through the woods one day when they came upon a bear. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week" The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. Then the sergeant announced that everyone would get a three-day pass except me. A friend paid my mother a visit. Chicago. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made. My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. The INFANTry! My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. Only one. Soldier: WTF, you had air conditioners? All images on our website are the property of their respective owners. ", 55. Now, I was shy of six feet tall, but when our drill sergeant called for all six-footers to line up, I stepped forward anyway. 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. He is the Founder and . How tough? Turns out we were supposed to shoot around it, not hit it. Patrick McSherry. Do not conduct live fire exercises at the generals (unattended) jeep, even if its parked in an area clearly marked Live Fire Zone. A drill serGENTLEMEN! Here's an SR-71 Story That'll Make You Laugh - Popular Mechanics Im 81 years old, he answered. U.S. Navy Warship: We are a large warship of the United States Navy. What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? Return to Humor Index. Home Blog 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition). Navy Pilot: Were flying faster than the speed of sound! Hey, Im from Chicago too!. Louis, I grumbled. And )second Theyre U.S. AF! Why do flight attendants make great astronauts? Ask the Air Force to secure a building and they will sign a 10 year lease with an option to buy. But my fears were put to rest one day while getting into formation, which was determined by height. As I left the barbershop with sideburns in hand, I heard him ask his next victim, Where are you from? They know how to take up space. I am the PMC at a Dinner Night next week, where apart from my Boss and myself the rest of the guests are Army (from an array of cap badges). A LOOtenant! We were inspecting several lots of grenades. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. It does look like its been fished out from the bottom of the sea.. Some of the jokes on this list I first read and on their websites. My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. Me: Still the wrong number. If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the lights to return to the airport, 52. Yeah, I got in a lot of trouble for that, the gunner said. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. They are the ones protecting us at all times from external threats. She told me she warships them. Civilian CASUAL TEES are not acceptable. 66. Marines Say OOOOORAH! They sure grow up fast, dont they?. Do not attempt to shave with fire. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. SUB sandwiches! There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. You seem in a good mood., He replied, Im paying a private to do all my worrying for me.. You divertyour course! Dedicated To All Who Flew Behind Round Engines. 3. I asked an employee whether they still carried my deodorant. Aviation Humor - F-16.net - The ultimate F-16, F-22, F-35 reference During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. Marine Approved is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associate Program. When a Navy fighter pilot saw this, he decided to approach the man and see what he was doing. Take a look at the military jokes about the U.S. Marine Corps below to find some hilarious quips. When the general asked, Which outfit are you in? the Marine replied, Dress blues, sir, with medals!. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. Caller: Is Sgt. P | Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing! The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. Filed Under: Lifestyle, Veteran Life Tagged With: funny, humor, jokes, military jokes. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. . But before I could get out, he pointed to the other end of the building and said, The band entrance is that way. Gordon Van Otteren. A cookie and a piece of cake joined the army, but eventually, they abandoned their fellow soldiers. So, instead, they put me in the Navy since I was a sub-marine. Aviation Humor. Francis Marion, the Swamp Fox, Revolutionized American Warfare. The LOUDEST Military Aviation PHOTOS Best Examples Of Aircraft Camouflage Oxcart/Blackbird Wind-Tunnel Test Models Things You Can See Almost Every Day In Dubai July 29, 2020 Fully Loaded Fighter Jets Showing Off July 2, 2020 Comical Google Maps Glitches With Airplanes May 2, 2020 Bomber Aircraft Low Passes. She also liked her scotch. How different military branches use the stars: The U.S. Army sleeps beneath the stars. Jokes Archives - Aviation Humor The official allowed us to pass without opening a single suitcase. The main job of the military is to provide the country's citizens absolute protection from both internal and external attacks. The Marine insisted that since he was in the aisle seat he would get it for him. One day, while out snapping photos, I was stopped by the military police, who asked for my letter from public affairs. 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. How many pilots does it take to screw in a light bulb? While everyone was concentrating on the task at hand, I held up a spare pin and asked, Has anyone seen my grenade?. Military jokes, Aviation humor, Military humor Explore Education Career Save From scontent-mxp1-1.xx.fbcdn.net Military Jokes N Nawar K. 644 followers More information Military Jokes Army Humor Funny Photos Funny Images Aviation Humor History Jokes Warrior Quotes Stupid Funny Memes Hilarious More information . As an Amazon Associate, I earn a commission from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you. Its a NO FLY zone! We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. It is always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here. 3) The pen used by the military meets 16 pages of military specs. Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. There was bound to be trouble, and I was right, because suddenly, he fell silenteyebrows arched, brain overloaded. When the boy seemed confused, his father brought out a picture of himself in full Marine dress. In-flight Snacks Little treats sealed in a bag that can only be opened by using a chainsaw. with someone braver than you.'. Military Jokes Military Humor - Strategypage.com Funny military jokes are a great way to bring some morale to our service people, so whip out a few of these military jokes at your next gathering of family or friends to get some guaranteed laughs. Ask the Navy to secure a building and they will turn off all the lights and lock all the doors at 1700. Reply: I recommend you divert your course 15 degrees south to avoid a collision. Caller: OK. He holds the bulb and then the world revolves around him to screw it in. The MPs read the letter, saluted, and left. When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. Without a letter from public affairs, well have to take your camera. I did the only thing I could do: I pulled a notepad and pen from my bag and wrote a letter giving myself permission to take photos. Airspeed, altitude, and brains: Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.. Two PFCs are walking down the street and one of them says, Oh look, a dead bird. The other PFC looks at the sky and says, Where? A LOOtenant! Anecdotes 1. The Marine took off his boots and began to stretch out. St. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, "So? It took the poor guy all day. They came up with that name using Operation Random Thesaurus. Scan the list below to find some hilarious military one-liners that will make your Navy friend laugh like crazy. He says, Anyway, enough about me. Discussion Board on this Military Joke. I say again, stand down and divert your course. If it doesnt move, pick it up. Ocean Pearl, I answered. How do you know when your date with a fighter pilot is halfway over? Stay out of clouds. The list below includes humorous one-liners and stories that will make your military friends and family members laugh like never before. For example, heres what happens when each of them is told to secure a building. Sergeant, he said, what if we dont have any initials? Matthew Nazarian. The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. It helps to keep the pilot cool. Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: I was cold Im convinced my cockroaches have military training. As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. Spread the humor by leaving a secret written joke on a neighbor's stoop, a colleague's desk, or mail it to your best friend. Rather than move, he called the bridge: Hey, he said, can you shift the ship 15 degrees? Two thousand dollars a week, he replied. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. Everything from puns to some sarcastic one-liners are included in the Army jokes below to crack on an Army member you know and love. Later, I spoke with Mom. Black said he jokes about getting a sense of what America thinks about its military by the movies that come out, and the only decent military movie in recent years, in his opinion, was "Top Gun . During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. Ive been sandblasted.. Even those who work in relation to the military, such as the Department of Defense, or know someone that has served, are bound to find a few of these hilarious. These 105+ Airplane Jokes Will Surely Soar At Your Next Party - Scary Mommy But something struck me as odd. What has a nose and flies, but can't smell? An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess" He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. He nodded. Aircraft Engineers 1. Discover a funny military joke about the U.S. Army with this list. I was very nervous, she said. What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in his office.
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