Then maybe, if you can swing it, a weekend trip there for the two of you would be a good idea? Learning new response skills can only help her overall situation. And, in those cases both parties may need to adjust their behavior and / or way that they communicate. Apparently the husband hasnt been to Las Vegas recently, because now its like Disneyland with slot machines. (No, actually, a real list.) My partner has some anxiety when I travel to remote, rural areas by car, especially when I am alone. But you dont get to be irrational all over someone else without consequence. Im not superstitious, so I was aware that it was completely bogus that my fears concentrated on that fact, but they nonetheless did. Ill be finding myself an apartment when I get back from Vegas. I wonder if there are other circumstances in which he exhibits similar behavior. I mean, the worst thing that happened to me in Vegas was that I came back 10 pounds heavier from all the buffets. The best way to stay up-to-date would be to regularly check the Official Disney Parks Blog . So yeah somethings just not right. You are not alone with this. I also dont think cultural relativity is relevant when OP is clearly uncomfortable with his behaviour. I really dont care if you pitch a fit. Then disengage. oh, and the dancing fountains at the Bellagio. Ive often done a straw poll of my married friends to get a sense of whether something that was bugging me was a real issue or just a personal hang-up. OP this is the kind of thing Id bring up in therapy what you will do and what you will NOT do. So yeah, this isnt something that everyone feels, nor is it reasonable. Both are filled with similar anecdotes and stories. Well discuss, compromise, agree to disagree, but I do NOT need permission. I do sympathize with what you are dealing with. Giving the husband the most benefit of the doubt possible, its possible he rants and raves and his friends all go hmm, interesting. Not seeing any benefit in engaging someone whos clearly nuts on the subject. A reader writes: My company sent managers to Las Vegas last February for a corporate business trip for three days. Unsurprisingly, this is a hard concept for controlling people to grasp; What do you mean, one person can unilaterally end a relationship with no input from the other person? It is ideally set up to host conferences. I am angered that every time I have to go he seems to have an emotional breakdown. Your friend is a wise woman. Also she is sole provider for family? Someone this uptight probably doesnt have friends. This educational content is not medical or diagnostic advice. You also really have to go because youre the primary breadwinner in the family. Iam lost. This is so far outside of normal that if I were in your shoes OP, I would be socking money away so that I could leave him, unless theres something youre not telling us that could possibly justify how he treats you. Does he not control other things about your life OP? Nope. I thought my mom was the only one like this. But yeah, even then Im thinking more one-off or emergency situations at home, not I dont like that city!. Last time I was there staying at the Cosmo some HR conference started in the hotel (funny as an HR person) He is seriously out of whack and I would not put up with him. I came to say the same thing. I have been to Vegas twice (both in the same calendar year), once with my wife when she was attending a conference (hobby, not work related) and the second time with my (at the time) elementary school aged daughter. And heres what wethink will help. I dont have anything else to add to what everyone else has said except that when youre there, I HIGHLY recommend going to Gordon Ramsays BURGR at the Planet Hollywood Hotel. I know anxiety is a thing, but business travel can really suck- its exhausting, youre away from the comforts of home, etc., so to have your spouse making that worse is just so awful it would be a deal breaker on the relationship for me. Asking for baseline respect should not be a fraught conversation. I just saw the news about the mass shooting in Vegas. Connect with your family and friends, and even try tomake new friends. The extent of our excitement is shopping at the outlets, maybe visiting Hershey and watching movies in our PJs. And his anxiety is HIS to manage, not hers. think twice before sharing personal details, foster a friendly and supportive environment, remove fake accounts, spam and misinformation, delete posts that violate our community guidelines, reviewed by our medical review board and team of experts. Plus those casinos take forever to walk across and they are saturated in smoke, blech! It may not be, in this case. A spare hour or two could be spent at an adult themed entertainment show or casino, and that can honestly spiral. Theyre both controlled, predictable corporate environments that can provide controlled, predictable hospitality services, often at a price affordable enough to attract business conferences. You just cant. One thing I will mention about Vegas is that yes, like anywhere else, things can happen in regards to safety, but that city is so patrolled. The point being that because he cares about you, he will do whatever he can to make his relationship with you as strong as possible. Everything he is afraid of is very very unlikely to happen and no more likely to happen in Vegas than any other city. When I first moved to the city, my mom told me to never, ever go anywhere after dark. And you will regret it even more if your marriage ends and you put yourself in a worse position just to appease irrational fears. We live a block away from a grocery store. Contributors control their own work and . My feeling is that hes coming up with post-facto, emotionally triggering justifications for something that has absolutely no basis in any rational apprehension of reality. We dont know enough about how the spouse acts in other scenarios to draw larger conclusions. CES, the Consumer Electronics Show is held there yearly, and is a massive tech conference, millions of square feet of conference space. Im still trying to figure a way out of it, but I wish I hadnt given in to his demands in the first place. He doesnt completely get it and I know hed rather I not go, but he definitely doesnt tell me I cant. Nah this isnt about irrational fears on his part, its about control. Sounds like this husband needs to identify exactly what he is afraid ofI highly doubt that both his wife cheating and her getting kidnapped are equal fears because they stem from different insecurities, but hey, maybe hes insecure about everything. Honestly, Vegas is what you make it, and its different things for different people. People are able to manipulate their therapists, and there are also just plain bad therapists: what if the OPs husband is in therapy already with, for example, a religious provider who reinforces his moralistic fears about Vegas? On every occasion, he made rules like I could never go anywhere alone and I had to call him at a specific time every day. I have no idea. On the flip side however, I do know some couples who havent spent a night apart in 20+ years. For another, unless the husband is a lot more clever than it seems from the letter and follow ups, a good counselor would be useful to the OP, even if it is abuse. Please select a reason for escalating this post to the WTE moderators: Connect with our community members by starting a discussion. Thats fine! In that couples case, I believe the wife was worried about being left alone at home, so the husband invited the wife to come with him on his trip, and at first she was planning to join him, but then her anxiety subsided and she decided to stay home and get together with friends in the hometown instead. Yeah, support common technique, but we dont know what we dont know, till we know it. It could be, but its tougher to stay up all night gambling and partying in the middle of the week in NY or SF. It does sound like some type of anxiety as these worries are extreme. However, she expresses that love with some convoluted discussion about the risk of driving a car 8 miles from our home to downtown. You have to go because if you refuse, that will absolutely jeopardize your standing in the company. His friends also wouldnt let their wives go? Its like he thinks Vegas exists in some parallel universe with different logic and laws of physical, and that upon landing in Vegas all of his wifes usual behavioral norms and all concern for her life beyond Vegas will simply evaporate. This makes me so mad on behalf of the OP! Rationalist who is deeply against living by social norms is a great big flashing warning sign that says DO NOT ASSOCIATE WITH THIS PERSON. But not the end of the world. Its crazy how often this happens. Especially as she is the primary breadwinner, shes got to be allowed to do her jobeven if it means travelling to Vegas. Its like Captain Awkward says no matter why youre standing on my foot, you need to stop standing on my foot. OH MY GOD your husband makes me so pissed. Sure there used to be a lot of strip joints, etc., but now the most naked people are in the Cirque shows, and they just look naked. oceans apart 3 teile gratis. I think on a more general level Spouse doesnt want me to go *can* be an actual, non-abusive thing, in certain circumstances (new baby at home for example, or a health crisis or other emergency where Hey, is there ANY way you can get out of this trip? might be a reasonable thing to ask. Agreeded theres some heavy selection bias in that sample. If you leave it as a well go eventually and never book it, and also never talk about it, things are gonna get worse. In THAT case, that is a super not-normal response, and its very strange that theres a whole group of people who support this thinking. My spouse also has some anxiety issues, and will develop obsessive worries about certain irrational things. I second counseling. Sure, but hes also clearly controlling and very manipulative. If you do this, he will *hate* it; I did, and so did my Mother, when I started doing this. Agree that you should go to counseling by yourself if he wont go. At this rate, Im going to be too afraid to leave the house until spring, and thats not acceptable. Vegas is one of the cheapest options with the best meeting facilities. I went for the first time over the summer. A Group Leader is a What to Expect community member who has been selected by our staff to help maintain a positive, supportive tone within a group. But other things may be reasonable eg nightly call ins and letting husband know that she is not going to call or answer his calls during the day. Its so much more tame than it once was. Street photography! I do have anxiety and PTSD from my days in the army. The lack of trust here is pretty disturbing, as are his over-the-top fears. I dont know any sex workers and it certainly would not be for me, but Im not going to clutch my pearls and start labeling other people,s choices as unwholesome and I have a big eye roll for people who do. Its not you I dont trust, its other people.. But I believe that talking it out in clear terms is step one, at least. This is controlling behavior and its not about your trip or your safety, its about his anxiety. I dont think people are misreading; I think that the phrasing is confusing but that context indicates its meaning. Im a bit flabbergasted. Hed get support from his friends and family. Whether or not you go on the trip is secondary. The letter writers last trip was in February and the manager from the other thread wrote to Alison in the beginning of March, which would be right after she got back from this Vegas trip and told her boss she would no longer travel. I never felt less inspired to sin in my life. (And there is outside reinforcement for this my MIL things Im insane for letting my 10-year-old go to the bathroom, which I can see clearly from our restaurant table, alone.) Go on the trip, do not jeopardize that job, youll need it when you come to your senses and get rid of this guy. I hate the idea that the LWs husband feels like he has some kind of power to tell his spouse that she cant go on this trip. Leave your phone on silent. Bonus was that the skills I learned translate to my professional and personal life *every day*. This sounds like a difficult situation, so do whats best for you. I dated a guy like that! OPs husbands response is way out of line for a normal response. Is she free to travel then? 33 answers. This may be the one city where you are on camera every second. Theyre out there. You could talk tohim about why hedoesnt want you there and see ifthere are any issues that need toberesolved outside ofavacation setting, oryou could simply ask him ifhed like you togowith him next time. They did indeed get married, and unsurprisingly, it ended in spectacularly bad fashion. I travel for work a lot, and quite often to Vegas people have conventions and meetings in Vegas because (1) the attendees generally like it and (2) there are a lot of hotels and meeting space. You really, really have no basis for this. The duration of the vacation. Yes, we were taking advantage of the fact that 19/20 year olds can go to the pub in the UK, but we were still hanging out with the professor while we did so. Dont engage with his arguments. But please ask yourself if this is an isolated incident, or if there have been other times when your husband has expressed this kind of feeling when you go out with friends for dinner, is it less likely that youll be kidnapped somehow? I do think raising, where you live, and a worldly perception of Vegas play in. Plan some quiet time or independent activities if you're getting frustrated. Thank you, other wise my husband is very supportive. Scheduled calls are a great idea. When I was there, I went to museums, saw a few shows, visited a shopping centerall during the day (except the shows) and safe. And not for couples counselling, either she needs to work on strategies to deal with him. Not that it makes it ok, at all. The conference hall manager looked at my colleaguewho requested a kosher meallike they were crazy. I have anxiety, and so does my husband and this isnt really an anxiety reaction, but a control issue. I might just be flinching at the use of the word wholesome, though. Where is he staying. I only left the conference hotel a couple of times, always with a group, and we were in the touristy area right next to the Gaslamp district anyway. But I did find pictures of her with male strippers so yeah Im nervous shes younger and hasnt traveled like I have the world can be dangerous. Anxiety is also a real possibility and I hate how offhandedly its been dismissed in most comments. If hes of the mind that the husband should be the breadwinner then it sounds like insecurity about his own career. 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