Because they might get a slice. Your email address will not be published. You've got the nicest boobs I've seen outside a PGA Tour locker room. Please read here for more information. The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network. Weve put together a list of our favorite jokes, golf puns, and one-liners you can bust out on the course, the range, or the pub to try and laugh off that 102 you just shot. Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve. Eight. Because all the other four letter words were taken. Why are there 18 holes on a golf course? With the exception of the putter and the driver remember that you hit down on every other shot in golf. Golf?! That's mispronounced Spanish for cat which is another word foryou get the idea. It's not the size of your putter that counts, its how many strokes you take. Dec 10, 2020 - Explore Shelby Clark's board "Dirty Golf" on Pinterest. Golf is the easiest game in the world. No matter what you shoot the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin again and make yourself into something. Another Ball in the Trees. Jay Griffiths, Golf without mistakes is like watching haircuts. 3 / 10. Lift your head and spread your legs. Features: Size: 9x12 inches Made from solid knotty Full Text: Keep Calm and Go For A Run Features: Size: 9x12 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Beware Of Owner ~ The Dog Features: Size: 7x7 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional shelf-sitting. George B. Kirsch, Nothing dissects a man in public quite like golf. These funny golf quotes and images coming from famous wise people are the most precious words worth sharing. Correct one fault at a time. What did the golfer say to the hip hop dancer? "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance.". Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing. A great golf course both frees and challenges a golfers mind. Tom Watson, 7. It can be difficult. 19. Does a bear crap in the woods? Why does the temperature on the course rise after a long tournament ends? John excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: Hey Don, come here. 2. / They havent turned up, and I doubt if they will. I'll let you beat me. Noah golf pro who can fix your swing? 350 Best Golf Quotes ideas | golf quotes, golf, golf humor - Pinterest You want some dirty golfing jokes, we got them for you. Furthermore, the old man moves along without wasting any time. Your email address will not be published. I figured my local caddy knew this course a whole lot better than me, so I just put my hand out and played whatever club he put in it. Rory McIlroy has a GOOD driver! Mar 14, 2021 - Find the best golf humor and cartoons on this board by www.GolfBallsUnlimited.com. Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off. If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. Whats the difference between golf and sex? An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it's always possible to get worse. "I'm the best. A dirty joke is a joke that is usually considered inappropriate because of its indecent punchline. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. And maybe thats why the highs were so high and the lows felt so low. When is it too wet to play golf? Perhaps it's the depth of (often negative) emotion the average golfer feels as a result of the game that inspires him to wax poetic. Two rounds a day are plenty. Recently, I have discovered that Blogging can be quite a useful way, to share. Achieve more with each and every round you play.Go Premium to et full access to our most advanced on-course and improvement features. Because you got me soaking wet. When your golf cart capsizes. Like chess, golf is a game that is forever challenging but can never be conquered. Harvey Penick, 10. Pick the quote from here which describes your inner thought. Why did Arnold Palmer get beat up? Whats the difference between the g-spot and a golf ball? Success depends almost entirely on how effectively you learn to manage the games two ultimate adversaries: the course and yourself. Jack Nicklaus, 45. 63 Archery Pick Up Lines for Bows & Arrows, 23 Table Tennis / Ping Pong Pick Up Lines, 79 Marching Band and Color Guard Pick Up Lines. Your source for the latest and greatest golf news, tips, gear reviews, and giveaways. The Jew, bragging about his virility said, I have four sons, one more and I will have a basketball team!, The Catholic pooh-poohs that accomplishment, stating, That is nothing actually. 4. 23+ Revolutionary Sayings From Corrie Ten Boom | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 52+ Knowledgeable Sayings On Cosmetologist | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 43+ Motivating Sayings On Hungry | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, TOP 50 Inspirational Golf Quotes & Sayings | Download Images, 58+ Funny Tennis Quotes | Free Images & Pictures Download, TOP 50 Funny Sports Quotes | HD Images & Pictures Download. Lorii Myers, Perhaps more than any other sport, golf focuses pressure on the player. Choose I have 17 wives, one more and I will have a golf course!. Here is a list that I have compiled over the years of my some of my favorite golf quotes. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? Golf is more complicated than that. 3. Fantastic 4-some. 75 Hilarious Golf Puns and One-Liners That Don't Suck Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I had to choose, right?" You must be over 18 years old to visit this site. I always said you have to be really smart or really dumb to play this game well. Wodehouse, A great golfers mtier is his or her golfing skill, coupled with the mastery of good sportsmanship, rendering him or her an ambassador for the sport. The end. 47 Hilarious Quotes About Driving. Having Fun since 2020 Jokes Quotes Factory Have a carrot! In your approach to golf, no one can tell you what to do. What is a golfers favorite bird? Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy, submissons by: az11107, jemallor, 21ob, dudedudester1, racke78, mcsheehy54, konczalangelia, fourq2. Full Text: The Most Important Things In Life Aren't Things Features: Size: 7x36 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging. A shot that goes in the cup is pure luck, but a shot to within two feet of the flag is skill. Ben Hogan, 5. What do golf and sex share in common? On the final hole, the match was all even and one of the wives had a long, breaking, fifteen-foot putt to win the match. I give him the driver. Golf is a lot like life. Sawdust City LLC. So I got that goin' for me, which is nice. He's the one getting his balls cleaned. Your second mental problem is concentration. Toggle Navigation Menu . 5. That means if you click and purchase, I may receive a small commission. Siegfried Sassoon, Golf is the infallible test. I tell it that this isnt going to hurt a bit. P. G. Wodehouse, The difference between a good golf shot and a bad one is the same as the difference between a beautiful and a plain woman a matter of millimeters. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? Because he walked into the wrong club! If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it. / It is a gait he only knows / When he has on his golfing clothes. Many of them contain words and phrases that are unable to grace this slideshow. What did Master Yoda say when Luke sliced the ball onto the next fairway over? Why are golf and sex so similar? What do you getll a blonde at the driving range? Because I'm going to come after you aggressively and probably leave a ball mark. What are a golfers favorite flowers? Because you coming back to my hotel is the only fair way for this evening to go. I like to go low. Jordan is a golf lover and the founder of Cyber Caddie. When they reach the 9th fairway, the young man is facing a tough shot. You dont know what pressure is until you play for five bucks with only two bucks in your pocket. Lee Trevino at his best. You may have heard these renowned quotes about funny golf before. He grabs his 7-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. 50 Greatest Golf Quotes of All Time - Bleacher Report 2. The grass is clean, a lawn laundry that wipes away the mud, the insect, the bramble, nettle, and thistle, an Eezy-wipe lawn where nothing of life, dirty and glorious, remains. Which is the easiest golf stroke? 2023, 35 BEST Lionel Leo Messi Quotes (About Life, Work, and Football That Will Inspire You), 53 Cristiano Ronaldo Motivational Quotes (About Football, Hard Work, Life, and Family), Best Summer Captions and Quotes (for Family and Friends), 54 Helpful Business Quotes for Growth and Success. Ted Ray, I started watching golf for the first time yesterday. Just as in life, you are presented with options; its up to you to decide which ones suit you best. Sandra Haynie, 30. So, what are your thoughts? Jack Burke, Every golfer worthy of the name should have some acquaintance with the principles of golf course design, not only for the betterment of his game but for his own selfish enjoyment. A dinner without wine. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart." - Arthur Daley. Nothing. Andrew Barton Paterson, A boss once told me, Colleen, its not about the meeting, its about the scotch after the meeting. Im going to wash my balls, you want yours washed, too?, My arms are tired, I had so many strokes.. Whether you are watching or playing golf, everyone loves a good golf joke thats why weve rounded up these Funny Golfer Jokes that you and your friends can laugh about! Lee Trevino. Boo. If we weren't, we'd take up a less infuriating hobby, like knitting. A lot of Seniors love playing golf and also, they love jokes. A large pine tree sits in front of his ball, directly between it and the green. Jim Murray. 7. The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes. Nay! I am Jimmy, clown at heart. Full Text: Thank you for still being my friend even though I only talk about my horse and I smell like a barn. Hit the ball. "Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.". Apparently, you cant get out of here with a seven. "Gunga galunga gunga, gunga-galunga." A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf clubs. USE OF AND/OR REGISTRATION ON ANY PORTION OF THIS SITE CONSTITUTES ACCEPTANCE OF OURVISITOR AGREEMENT(UPDATED 1/6/23),PRIVACY AND COOKIES NOTICE(UPDATED 1/4/23) ANDCALIFORNIA PRIVACY NOTICE. Youre shooting for the green, and yet, in the end you find yourself in the hole. Mark Twain, The average golfer doesnt play golf. Keep your sense of humor. What did Sir Mixalot say after sinking a 14-footer on the green, saving a terrible 3rd stroke into the rough? I play Bass. Gardner Dickinson, Golf, like the measles, should be caught young, for, if postponed to riper years, the results may be serious. For more great quotes on life, golf and from books and authors, check out this site and this site. Achieve more with each and every round you play. After 18 holes I can barely walk. Being a thoughtful person, and a social being, I find it very amusing to explore people's thoughts, observations, and experiences. Whos there? Why don't golfers ever eat pie? Mickey Mantle, Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course the space between your ears. Damn, girl. Say what you want about the other sports, none of them hold a candle to golf when it comes to inspirational and downright funny quotes. 1. Her husband thought that this was a riot and laughing said, Right train, wrong ticket., The wife failed to see the humor and not cracking a smile replied, No sleeper cars on that train either, Best Dad Jokes - the Good, the Bad, the Terrible, Fun Game: Jokes and Riddles Conversation Starters. The true funniest golf quotes of all time are likely never put to paper and aren't spoken by golfers or celebrities. You can enjoy both of them even if youre terrible at it! Jeff Foxworthy, In order to develop a golf swing, your thoughts must run in the right direction. PG Wodehouse. Golfing Quotes "Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a -- Winston Churchill "Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf and you can keep the fresh air and the -- Jack Benny "You can make a lot of money in this game. - Mickey Mantle. See more ideas about golf humor, golf, humor. The brush is quite thick, but he searches diligently and suddenly he spots something shiny. Colleen Ferrari Bader, And does the man walk always so? "Damn, my shaft is all bent." ~ George Bernard Shaw. Golf is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result. Tommy Armour, 40. Dirty Golfing Quotes Joke, Sick Golfing Quotes Jokes, Funny Golfing Palmer, how do you make a 3 iron back up like that?, Mr. Palmer replied, Do you own a 3 iron?. Follow These Tips on How To Handle Frustration. A hole in one of a kind model. It was glorious when you did! Trust is one of the most important qualities in the game of golf. All he knows how to play with is Clubs! Clubbing. Short Golf Jokes & Puns 1. Go to the golf course. 6. Lorii Myers, Long, long afterward, in a whin / I found the golf-ball, black as sin / But the five shillings are missing still! I told my coach I got a new set of clubs for my wife. Their fore-fathers! Steve Bann, Theres a reason why golfers walk forward to their next shot. If you dont take it seriously, its no fun, if you do, it breaks your heart. I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyones game: its called an eraser. Arnold Palmer, the King of golf and comedy apparently. You shot an eight. Required fields are marked *. Jack Lemmon is probably remembered best for his roles in The Odd Couple and The Apartment. Whats the best quality in a golf partner? Why do golfers put minus signs in front of their scores? the flag cant jump. The pressure originates in yourself; it builds from doubts. Don Carter Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. A great shot is when you pull it off. John shouts back in a nervous voice, Throw me my 8-iron! Thats incredible. Im the best. Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't All Spiritual Signs & Inspirational Signs, TV Stands, Media Tables, & Media Furniture, The Most Important Things In Life Aren't Things. I'm hoping to be a sore loser." Related: Best Ways On How To Flirt With A Guy Over Text? Keep your head down. Or on top." "I have lovemaking with you a lot in my head." "Let's have a 'who's better in b3d' contest. We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. If everything was given to you, it wouldnt feel as good when you achieve it. Annika Sorenstam, 24. How about you bring two of your friends and we play a foursome? 1. To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. 45 Dirty Jokes To Make You Laugh - PsyCat Games My drives aren't always long and straight. Don't dirt your soul. Your fifth putt. Please add a link to this article. if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); What do you call a blonde at a golf course? Chip Shot. Sam Snead. I'm known on the tour for having a lengthy club. Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton making us think more than wed like to. What does a woman do with her asshole before sex? Happiness is a long walk with a putter Greg Norman, 38. The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user. Ellis Parker Butler, When we watch pro golfers, we expect them to play well, to make the shots we know we cant, and to be entertaining. "It's good to see there is still some respect in the world." "Well, it's only right," the first golfer replies. 56 Golf Pick Up Lines Many golfing terms sound naughty. They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. Ray Floyd, 41. He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. So that you can share them back, with the whole world. Which pro golfers can jump higher than the flag? 67 GOLF INSTAGRAM CAPTIONS Funny 2021 List for Golf Lover! -Lee Trevino You'll get wet outside and inside with these sexy quotes. Your email address will not be published. Concentrate on the one fault you want to overcome. Sam Snead, 55. And now it will be poisoned for you. It will dazzle and baffle you with highs and lows, successes and frustrations. Amy Alcott, 18. Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I See you in the Email! These words carry the feeling for those you care about and those who care about you. The difference in golf and government is that in golf you cant improve your lie. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. Ana Claudia Antunes, If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Hank Aaron, Golf, golf, golf is all the story! Ben Hogan, And theres many neat cottages with gardens very nice / And picturesque villas, which can be rented at a reasonable price / Besides, theres a golf course for those that such a game seeks / Which would prove a great attraction to the knights of clubs and cleeks. Beyond this, the comedian and violinist (an epic combination) made the above joke about golf. If you want to share these funny golf quotes pictures on social media like Fb, Insta, WhatsApp, or Twitter, you can also do that. Because it would interrupt their tea time. Two, be your own person. Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines; Dirty Music Pick Up Lines; Dirty Holiday Pick Up Lines; How about you be my caddy and wash my balls tonight? The three tried & true methods of improving your game are: practice, study the pros, and cheat your ass off. Hey would you like what you're hiding in your tight jeans to be the 34th ranked golfer in the world because I can make that V-jay sing? Golf is like doing your taxes. -- Lee Trevino "Golf is not a game, it's bondage. Their expectation, however, is very different. P.G. Ive got some real trouble down here., Don comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out: Whats the matter, John? Robert Fuller Murray, I am relying on the theory that playing golf is just like riding a bike and that I havent forgotten how. 21 FUNNIEST Golf Jokes 2023 (with Puts and Puns) - Jokes Quotes Factory Golfs a game where you shout, FOUR! and score a seven, while writing down a five. Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't: 10. My windows aren't dirty, that's just my dog's nose art! Tahiti who? I was actually enjoying it. Regardless of time, place, situation, event, or occasion, it is in our human nature, to learn and express. After a particularly poor round, a golfer spotted a lake as he walked despondently up the 18th. The guys who come A golfer has to train his swing on the practice tee, then trust it on the course. Dr. Bob Rotella, 49. No, but I'm willing to screw in them. Lorii Myers, Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. I've been playing golf all day and would love to make you my 19th hoe. Fear shows up when there is an enlargement of the pupils. Many of these expressions of life, result in taking the form of wishes, quotes, greetings, messages, and captions. Funny Golf Quotes and Sayings. Dirty Golf - pinterest.com 3 of 10. Gone golfin' be back dark thirty. From the moment I saw you, I've had a vertical shaft angle. Are you looking for some funny jokes? Discover the views of a person who feels the same way we do. You're like an ugly dog-leg, but I'd still like to tee off. Bobby Jones, Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today its open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers , Now, enough talking, lets swing this thing. As he approached the threesome, he said Hey guys, do you mind if I play through. These quotes and images about funny golf are the truest, wisest, and most positive ones to be found on the web. On the Green In Two. Look at the size of his putter. 22. Are you sure you aren't all four majors because you would be a grandslam? Success depends less on strength of body than upon strength of mind and character. Arnold Palmer, 52. Hold your 2-iron in the air, because not even God can hit a 2-iron. Dave Barry, Golf is the only game I know where you call a foul on yourself. Are you a water hazard? I just dont know where I fit in. Beth Daniel, 37. I love silly, funny, nerdy, quirky jokes. 5. A little girl was at her first golf lesson when she asked a question. Think the shot through in advance before you address the ball. Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. Paul Harvey calling every golfer out. The Dalai Lama himself. Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. Mark Twain, the famous wordsmith who also said golf is a good walk spoiled. What do you jot down if you dont remember if you hit a 6 or a 7? What do you do after a round of 18 on a hot sunny day? The little ball that sat motionless, defying you to hit it. Wanna be my caddy? It takes a lot of balls to play golf knowing you're a bad golfer. She can only show you her dirty secrets in private, only with you. If you break 80, watch your business. They are the two things you can thoroughly enjoy even though you are really bad at them. Could you in the moment quiet your thoughts and execute? G.K. Chesterton, I dont like to watch golf on television because I cant stand people who whisper. After his practice round he noticed a beautiful young woman by the clubhouse. No other game combines the wonder of nature with the discipline of sport in such carefully planned ways. SO why does the golfer carry two shirts? Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional Full Text: My windows aren't dirty, that's just my dog's nose art! He looked at his caddie and said, Ive played so badly all day, I think Im going to drown myself in that lake., The caddie, quick as a flash, replied, Im not sure you could keep your head down that long.. Americans infatuated with golf established country and golf clubs, built ornate clubhouses, laid out inland park courses, experimented with new types of equipment, and even modified time-honored rules. Lighten up, golf is just a game after all. When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.". Pick your favorite one from more than 86 quotes about funny golf with images and use it wherever you like. Golf is a game that is special and unique in that there is always something to learn. Where do ghosts play golf in the afterlife? James Murray, Enjoyment of golf, regardless of the level you play at, is primarily based on how closely you play to your level of ability. I . Is that my golf bag in your pants because I just finished a long drive and I'd like to put my wood in it? As you walk down the fairway of life, you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. Ben Hogan, 25. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. Obviously I'm a man that loves Gatorade and I'd definitely like to raid your gato. 3. Golfs three ugliest words: Still your shot. Dave Marr, 36. The lowest score wins. You get bad breaks from good shots, good breaks from bad shots but you have to play where it lies. Bobby Jones, 23. 6. 21+ Best Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines - Best Jokes and Puns If a bird sh#ts on your golf cart, do not ever take her golfing again. Of course, after painting the Mona Lisa, you'll likely soon be back to bleeding. These are results of some deep thoughts and observations from their lives and are like our lives because we are all human. The other 20. 4. "I was married to her for 35 years." 2. You grind it out. Tiger Woods, 54. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip. One minute youre bleeding. Ben Hogan, To find a mans true character, play golf with him. Whos there? After 18 holes I can barely walk. Just 130+ Golf Jokes So Funny They're A Hole In One - Scary Mommy Quotes tagged as "golf" Showing 1-30 of 130. Missed the ball and sank the divot. A golf ball can be driven 300 yards. Who do golfers pay tribute to on the 4th of July? ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales, 15+ Easy and Funny Animal Riddles for Kids (with answers) 2023, 79 HILARIOUS Holiday Jokes For A Jolly Mood, 49 Jokes about Teachers and Students (that work like Science: Always get a reaction), 27 Ultimately Happy Quotes to Make your Day A-okay! We have a threesome, care to join us? 3. "Golf is the perfect thing to do on a Sunday because you spend more time praying on the course than if you went to church." brockoli117 on Reddit.com. The mark of a great player is in his ability to come back. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I cant play it. No matter how badly you play, always remember its possible to play even worse. Joe Posnanski, Over the years, Ive studied the habits of golfers. A bad hole wont get you a slap across the face when you play golf. 8. Most Funny Golf Quotes about Daylight by Ben Hogan Funny Dirty Golf Pictures With Quotes. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants. 3. 1. nay I my child, and eke, oh! Draw a mental image of where you want it to go and then eliminate everything else from your mind, except how you are going to get the ball into that preferred spot. Sam Snead, 46.